As if it wasn't difficult enough to keep African American youth scholastically motivated now this had to happen. With Barack Obama the first African American president what are we going to tell our kids? I feel like the world has dropped out from underneath me. I'm sure I'm not the only black guy that feels somewhat disappointed in our electoral system. Now that we have a "first black president" what the fuck am I staying in school for? I don't wanna be some mothafuckin Buzz Aldrin!
I am so disappointed in white people. What the fuck, how does an entire race of people just wash irrational hate that strong away in a matter of two generations? I honestly thought there was still enough white oppression to keep us out of the White House for at least another 30 years. Man, I was really counting on that. An for all you ignorant mothafucka's out there that think this is good shit: fuck you. You know how hard we'll have to prove that whitey's keeping us down now? It's gonna be damn near impossible.
Every black kid out there has heard their moms say "Keep at it honey and you can become the first black president". What now? What's going to stop all my black brothers from instinctively selling drugs and smoking rocks? Nothing.
Well, that's enough from me I better walk down to the corner store and pick up a crystal blunt, a lighter, and some baking soda. Anybody know a good crack recipe?
Wednesday
Everyone Knows I had a Miscarriage so Would You Please Stop Writing EPIC FAIL on My Blackboard!
I’m sure by now all of you have heard the news. Yes I lost my baby…again. Well its been almost two weeks now so could whomever is tagging my blackboard with the words EPIC FAIL please abstain from doing so henceforth? It is quite annoying and won’t be relavent much longer because I have another blind date on Thursday, which means yes I won’t be in on Friday.
Poop in The Urinals
I won’t fib ya, that’s some of the most disgusting shit I ever seen, and The Hanker’s seen plenty’a disgusting shit. It takes bravery and admirable skills for a man to be able to pull this off, just damn disgusting. Somebody’s been poopin in the boy’s urinals in the 2nd floor lavatory. These leavings have had me an the rest of the wash boys in a weird way these last two weeks. And we’ve got one thing to say about it. IT’S DARN EXCITING! DON’T NEVER STOP!.
I tell ya what kids, The Hanker’s had some pretty wacky adventures up in Wellsmore. Why some a ya may know the tale of the bloody clog back in 89, maybe you heard ‘bout the sideways sink slider of ’76, of course you’re aware of the better known fish pipe catastrophe: all great adventures to be sure, but hell it’s been too long! Me an the boys were startin to wonder if you kids had it in ya at all, but Jesus did ya come through in the end. YIPPEE! Shittin’ in the urinal, never thought I’d see the day. What possessed ya to do such a thing? Anger? Laughter? Sexual misgivings concerning anal retention? Beats me, but I implore ya’ll keep it up.
Now, don’t you kids worry ‘bout clean up, put that awful thought right outta yer blessed heads, The Hanker and the boys got it all under control. Y’see that’s part of the excitement. How th’ hell do ya get an ass goblin down a urine hole? Fuck me runnin’ we still haven’t figured it out but hell it sure is fun tryin, y’see ol hank loves the mind twisters. Shit, we’ve created fun filled afternoons conjuring up all sortsa games to play based on these misplaced droppings, ol Hanker’s up 30 bucks! Tell ya what I’ve been late for dinner four times already cause o this. Wife thinks I’m fucked in the skull, she don’t know shit, The Hanker’s been pissin in her pickle jar for ages anyway. By pickle jar I mean to say her genitals ‘course.
I Swear to God I Didn't Fart in 6th Period
Ok guys, seriously! This is getting crazy, I’m so sick of everyone thinking that it’s me who keeps farting in Geography! This is so unfair. I know I’m under the most suspicion seeing that I weigh a bit more than the average 15 year old but I think you’ll realize if you review the facts here than you will clearly see that it is not I who is perpetrating this flatulation. I’m no xenophobic but I think we can be sure that our multiculturalism is the cause of the confusion.
Sure I tend to eat an “unhealthy” combination of meats and dairy products, many of which are over processed and placed between over refined polysaccharide grain goods liberally dressed with oil and egg products but that’s the American diet people, everyone eats like me. Has nobody noticed that there is an alarming array of exchange students as well as diverse cultural identities floating around Wellsmore this year? I think its time we start ignoring our natural aversion to anything not politically correct and take a look at the fact that non-Americans have greater flatulent tendencies than us normal Americans.
Has nobody noticed that fucking Greg eats beets and yogurt every day at lunch? Am I the only one that can draw a conclusion regarding beets, yogurt and poo-spray? I know its bad taste to make fun of Greg now that his mom’s dead, but there was a time when we’d be all over his ass for that. He lives in a trailer with like six other people! His nose is probably fart resistant. His family are Ukrainian gypsies right? I have nothing against magic but beets are known fart makers.
I’m not a racist but I know that Indian’s smell god awful and J’habi could be the worst. I understand in this postmodern PC world none of you may have the testicular fortitude to point out that J’habi may be the cause of this entire sixth period stink. Allow me to present the facts. Fact One: J’habi is from a country that doesn’t mind poo-stink. I saw Slumdog Millionaire. Fact Two: he eats like a ton of cumin. That stuff even tastes like farts! Come ON People! Fact Three: if you don’t speak English than what do you care if people think you’re gross? Right? If I was a non-English speaking Argentinean than what would I care if I was letting a few fly around non-Mexicans? Probably not at all that’s what I’m thinking.
But let’s not stop at the gentleman, ladies. How ‘bout you Kim? Quite interesting that four out of five accusations pegged on me this week have come from you before anyone has smelled the air biscuit in question. And don’t tell me that everyone forgot how you juiced your jeans in 2nd grade. I know you explained that it was a horrible case of dysentery and you had to go to the hospital but what the hell, you’re not a pirate! You eat raw eel for lunch! I know it’s trendy to eat sushi these days but no one can persuade me to believe that eating uncooked fish all day doesn’t give you the turd whistles.
I think if we all just take a step back and examine our own cultural identity than we can put these nasty accusations to rest. And please this isn’t even remotely about that day in Spanish when we learned that Gordo meant fat. Yes we all drew the parallels to my name thank you. Being 320 lbs. doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m constantly leaking methane like some formidable steam powered robot; I’m just an average American with average American sensibilities when it comes to lunch
Sure I tend to eat an “unhealthy” combination of meats and dairy products, many of which are over processed and placed between over refined polysaccharide grain goods liberally dressed with oil and egg products but that’s the American diet people, everyone eats like me. Has nobody noticed that there is an alarming array of exchange students as well as diverse cultural identities floating around Wellsmore this year? I think its time we start ignoring our natural aversion to anything not politically correct and take a look at the fact that non-Americans have greater flatulent tendencies than us normal Americans.
Has nobody noticed that fucking Greg eats beets and yogurt every day at lunch? Am I the only one that can draw a conclusion regarding beets, yogurt and poo-spray? I know its bad taste to make fun of Greg now that his mom’s dead, but there was a time when we’d be all over his ass for that. He lives in a trailer with like six other people! His nose is probably fart resistant. His family are Ukrainian gypsies right? I have nothing against magic but beets are known fart makers.
I’m not a racist but I know that Indian’s smell god awful and J’habi could be the worst. I understand in this postmodern PC world none of you may have the testicular fortitude to point out that J’habi may be the cause of this entire sixth period stink. Allow me to present the facts. Fact One: J’habi is from a country that doesn’t mind poo-stink. I saw Slumdog Millionaire. Fact Two: he eats like a ton of cumin. That stuff even tastes like farts! Come ON People! Fact Three: if you don’t speak English than what do you care if people think you’re gross? Right? If I was a non-English speaking Argentinean than what would I care if I was letting a few fly around non-Mexicans? Probably not at all that’s what I’m thinking.
But let’s not stop at the gentleman, ladies. How ‘bout you Kim? Quite interesting that four out of five accusations pegged on me this week have come from you before anyone has smelled the air biscuit in question. And don’t tell me that everyone forgot how you juiced your jeans in 2nd grade. I know you explained that it was a horrible case of dysentery and you had to go to the hospital but what the hell, you’re not a pirate! You eat raw eel for lunch! I know it’s trendy to eat sushi these days but no one can persuade me to believe that eating uncooked fish all day doesn’t give you the turd whistles.
I think if we all just take a step back and examine our own cultural identity than we can put these nasty accusations to rest. And please this isn’t even remotely about that day in Spanish when we learned that Gordo meant fat. Yes we all drew the parallels to my name thank you. Being 320 lbs. doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m constantly leaking methane like some formidable steam powered robot; I’m just an average American with average American sensibilities when it comes to lunch
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