Poop in The Urinals

I won’t fib ya, that’s some of the most disgusting shit I ever seen, and The Hanker’s seen plenty’a disgusting shit. It takes bravery and admirable skills for a man to be able to pull this off, just damn disgusting. Somebody’s been poopin in the boy’s urinals in the 2^nd floor lavatory. These leavings have had me an the rest of the wash boys in a weird way these last two weeks. And we’ve got one thing to say about it. IT’S DARN EXCITING! DON’T NEVER STOP!.

I tell ya what kids, The Hanker’s had some pretty wacky adventures up in Wellsmore. Why some a ya may know the tale of the bloody clog back in 89, maybe you heard ‘bout the sideways sink slider of ’76, of course you’re aware of the better known fish pipe catastrophe: all great adventures to be sure, but hell it’s been too long! Me an the boys were startin to wonder if you kids had it in ya at all, but Jesus did ya come through in the end. YIPPEE! Shittin’ in the urinal, never thought I’d see the day. What possessed ya to do such a thing? Anger? Laughter? Sexual misgivings concerning anal retention? Beats me, but I implore ya’ll keep it up.

Now, don’t you kids worry ‘bout clean up, put that awful thought right outta yer blessed heads, The Hanker and the boys got it all under control. Y’see that’s part of the excitement. How th’ hell do ya get an ass goblin down a urine hole? Fuck me runnin’ we still haven’t figured it out but hell it sure is fun tryin, y’see ol hank loves the mind twisters. Shit, we’ve created fun filled afternoons conjuring up all sortsa games to play based on these misplaced droppings, ol Hanker’s up 30 bucks! Tell ya what I’ve been late for dinner four times already cause o this. Wife thinks I’m fucked in the skull, she don’t know shit, The Hanker’s been pissin in her pickle jar for ages anyway. By pickle jar I mean to say her genitals ‘course.

Quite a mystery to be sure. I wonder which one of you clever bastards pulled this one off. I’ve got my suspicions but don’t you worry I won’t rat you out. I need you like the Joker needs the Batman. Wonder if it’s a girl…there was some blood in the stool, an I know enough about woman physics that sometimes blood gets mixed in places down yer nethers. So keep up the good work kids and be sure not to give The Hanker a high-five!